Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
