If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
