i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
