chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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