bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
