I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
