I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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