shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
