I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
