haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We got so high we made milksteak
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
