Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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