i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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