butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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