dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
