This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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