I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
