I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
