I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize