He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never joke about your clitoris.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
