My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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