if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
