This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
