There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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