haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
