I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
