The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize