smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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