My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i will never coherently bang her
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
