Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
