so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
