I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
