God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
