fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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