i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize