And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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