I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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