as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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