Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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