I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
