she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
