Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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