I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
