So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
