I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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