Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
