I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
