sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
