I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
