If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
