Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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