Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Boobs are out for the taking
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
