fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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