ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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