not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
