so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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