Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
