I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
