I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
